Bittersweet Lie
by March Rosenqueen
Summary: They say it takes two people for love to be born, yet he deny it. He doesn't want to admit what he feels for the mad doctor. But when they were in the edge of losing their life, will he finally admit it?


**-Bittersweet Lie-**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yami no Matsuei, if I do I've made Muraki do lots of stuff to Tsuzuki and make sure he become my personal doctor.

**Warning:** This contains shounen-ai so don't read it if you don't like it. Post after Kyoto Arc.

"..." for memories in Italics

'…' thought in Italics

And "..." present time

XXX

_"It's a sign,"_

_"A sign?"_

_"Well yes, so my beloved person can find me soon."_

"But in the end you never could say it, couldn't you?" the long haired man sighed heavily, his eyes looking up at the grey sky.

'_You're truly a complete idiot…'_

XXX

_"Muraki is still alive. There's someone who took him away from those seas of flames."_

It has been some weeks since the event in Kyoto. And since that time, Asato finds himself dreaming about the mad doctor more and more. His mind isn't helping him either, each thought about the doctor regarding what has happened between them during the battle in Kyoto.

'_What's wrong with me? I shouldn't think about him at all.'_

Yet no matter how many times he tries, he can't get his mind to stop the thought of the mad doctor. He still remembers it clearly, the things that have happened between the two of them, even though there is a slight difference. Asato can still remember the gentle touch of Muraki's fingers against his cheek, the way the mad doctor has gently wiped his tears away. Even though the man has tried to kill him, Asato can't help but feel something towards the doctor.

During their fight, he has noticed that there is something more behind Muraki's actions, even though said man isn't showing it. He knows that the reason why Muraki wants to kill him isn't just because of the man's obsession to resurrect his dead brother, yet he still can't get himself to believe it. Even though Muraki has said it to him in person.

XXX

_"Tsuzuki-san…" Muraki said heavily, his hand shaking as it reaches Asato's cheek, caressing it softly._

Asato looks at him coldly, knife in his hand as his face remains expressionless.

"Isn't it written in your grandfather's document that, even though it doesn't happen often, that sometimes my consciousness is back even it just for temporarily? That way, I could see myself slowly become insane but that was my old self. This time, I'm different! I have enough time to _send you to hell! This place will be your and my grave! Muraki!" Asato shouts, his eyes hardened._

"Ku, ku… so, you want to kill yourself alongside me? You seem to be crazy, Tsuzuki-san." Muraki chuckles slightly.

Asato could see how much effort it takes the doctor to stay awake as his consciousness starts to slip away.

"Don't you understand it, Tsuzuki-san?," Muraki continued quietly. "Even if you kill me, nothing is going to change. Your deep sadness won't ever be cured."

_'You know that both of us are same because our existence is the proof of our sins.'_

_"We could never run or hide. Both you and me…" the doctor continued slowly, his eyes looking sadly at Asato._

Asato is taken aback by the expression in the other man's face as he never expected the mad doctor would be one to show such an emotion in his face.

"What do you mean?" Asato asks slowly, finding himself captivated by the other's gaze.

"Though you try to deny it, it won't change anything. You know it perfectly well, Tsuzuki-san. The reason why you can't completely ignore me," Muraki answers, smiling at the black-haired shinigami.

"No. You're wrong. It's because you keep killing innocent people,"

"Is that so? But isn't there another reason too?"

"What exactly are you going to say, Muraki?" Asato narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you know it? It takes two persons to do it, Tsuzuki-san. And what you're going to do now is just the proof of it,"

"I really don't understand what exactly you're saying!" Asato snapped, furiously looking at the man across him.

"Love takes two, Tsuzuki-san. It takes two persons to create something like love," Muraki says softly, keeping his gaze locked with Asato's purple eyes.

Asato was bewildered at the answer the doctor gave him. He doesn't expect the other man will say something like that at all.

"There won't be love if there are no two persons on it," Muraki continued, seeing the look in Asato's face. "And you, Tsuzuki-san, are also in love with me like I am with you."

"I'm not in love with you…"

"Really? Then why do you keep coming to me, even though you know it's dangerous to do so?" Muraki asked, raising his eyebrow quizzically.

"It's because you have something that I want."

"But that's not the only reason, isn't it? You have started to love me slowly, Tsuzuki-san. And you deny it because you are afraid of it."

"I'm not afraid." Asato narrows his eyes.

"You always stay stubborn until the end, don't you? Why do you insist on killing yourself alongside with me then? Even your self-sacrifice-syndrome doesn't have to be taken that far, because after all, am I not the bad person in here? So why sacrifice yourself for people like me?" Muraki sighed in exasperation.

"Because I have enough. If my existence just will hurt others, then it's better if I never exist." Asato looks down at the ground, his face hidden behind his bangs.

"Why are you always looking so sad? You hide behind that mask of yours all the time, keeping your emotion within your heart. Isn't that painful?" Muraki asked, his eyes looking to Asato softly, though Asato denies that the doctor could look at him with such expression.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Even if you kill me now, it won't change the fact you love me." Muraki points out.

"I told you I don't love you!" Asato snaps, looking angrily.

"Lie. You're lying to yourself again. You want to kill yourself because you can't stand the fact that you're going to kill me with your own hands even though you know I'm evil," Muraki replies coldly, his face remaining calm although he knows his life slowly slipping away. "That's why you decided to kill yourself too."

"No."

"Why are you so afraid of it?" Muraki asked, looking expectantly at the shinigami.

" You're wrong. I don't love you," Asato averted his eyes away from the silver-haired man.

"Why are you so afraid to accept it?"

" This is wrong. I'm not in love with you,"

"You really are stubborn, Tsuzuki-san. What's wrong about you loving me?"  
_  
"You… You are evil! You killed innocent people! I can't love someone like you!" Asato shouts, looking frustrated._

"Yet you still fall in love with me," Muraki points out calmly.  
_  
"NO! I don't!"_

"You keep denying it, but you realize it too, don't you? That you really do love me."

"I'm not! And you don't love me either! Stop trying to mess with my mind! I know you don't love me!" Asato shouted as he shook his head frantically.

"I'm not messing with your mind, Tsuzuki-san. I do love you. I'll love you until I want to kill you. I want to kill you because I love you, that way no one could ever have you, not even that secretary." Muraki says solemnly, keeping his gaze on the shinigami.

"No. No… You're lying," Asato said, shaking his head in denial. He could hear his voice wavering slightly as he keep refuse to look at the doctor.

"And why do I have to lie to you? I'm going to die anyway, so there's no point on me lying to you in here."

"You want to make me confused! You want to mess with my head!" he said fiercely.

"Suit yourself with whatever your mind wants to believe but I do love you, Tsuzuki-san. Regardless of what you want to believe in."

_"Stop it!"_

"I won't. How could you ask something like that from me? I will always love you, Tsuzuki-san despite what you're going to do."

_Asato could feel his body starts to tremble from the words the doctor has said._

"You're so gentle and kind…my Tsuzuki-san, I love you…"

_Muraki pulled Asato towards him slowly as his lips crashed onto Asato's. The mad doctor kissing the black-haired shinigami softly was nothing like Asato could ever have imagined it to be. And before his mind could even comprehend what was happening to him, he was unconsciously kissing the man back._

Muraki was stunned even though his face remained calm, but the man was shocked. He never expected that the black-haired shinigami would ever kiss him back, although he knows Asato was in love with him too, but he knows that the shinigami is too stubborn and prideful to even admit something like here he is being kissed back by the other.

Meanwhile, Asato can hear his rational mind shouting at him from the back of his head.  
_  
'Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? Kissing him back like this even though you denied that you love him too!'_

_Even though he knows that, Asato can't make himself stop. He knows it's a wrong thing for him to do, but he can't stop himself from doing it. No matter how many times his rational mind screams at him, he can't deny that somewhere deep down within his heart that what Muraki has said is true. He is indeed in love with the man, though there's no way he would ever admit it. He doesn't know when it is exactly_, _but slowly he can tell that his heart has developed something towards the mad doctor._

_'This is crazy. I shouldn't continue this.'_

_And with that, he reluctantly pulls away from the kiss. His glazed eyes look at the doctor, as he tries to calm the sound of his beating heart. Trying to brace himself, he steps away from the man and starts to repel the calling spell to one of his trusted shikigamis. His eyes never look away from the man across him._

"You really are stubborn, Tsuzuki-san. That's not bad though. Maybe I like that side of yours too. Good bye Tsuzuki-san, I will see you again soon," Muraki says, between each breath he takes.

_'And until that time comes, I will watch over you.'_

_His silver eyes solemnly look at the black-haired shinigami, before his last consciousness slips away, taking him down into the eternal darkness which surrounds him completely. Asato couldn't stop his tears to slide from his eyes, although he doesn't really understand the reason behind it. Yet he could tell that somehow deep within his heart, he feels like something was breaking. It was when he tried to kill himself alongside with Muraki that the others found him and stopped him._

XXX

Since then, Asato can't stop to ponder if he really is in love with the doctor. After all, he can't deny that his heart has fluttered a bit when he heard that somehow Muraki is still alive. Though he won't ever admit it out loud, he does care about the man despite his madness. He still is thinking about the man even now.

_'Do I really love him?'_

He was too engrossed with his own mind that he doesn't notice the shadow behind him.

"Asato…"

Turning around, he sees Tatsumi standing behind him. The bespectacled secretary was looking at him worriedly.

"Tatsumi…"

"What is it? You've been spacing out since this morning. Did you eat something wrong?" the secretary asked, checking Asato's temperature.

Asato smiled sadly as he shakes his head in negative. "Nothing. It's just I have something on my mind. I'm sorry, did you say something, Tatsumi?" Asato asked trying to change the topic.

Tatsumi says nothing even though he knows that the black-haired shinigami is hiding something from him. "I'm just asking if you want to eat at my place tonight, Asato," he answered calmly.

"Aah… I'm sorry, Tatsumi, but I think I should decline that today," Asato answered sheepishly.

Tatsumi looks at him suspiciously. It's really rare for the black-haired shinigami to decline food like that. Especially since the said person was real a glutton. "Are you sure you really are okay, Asato? You seem weird today."

"Eh? Am I? But I'm fine, Tatsumi."

Tatsumi could see the blatant lie the other had said, but he couldn't do anything about it.

"You know, you could always talk to me whenever you feel like it, Asato. I know maybe I'm not of much help, but I want you to be happy," Tatsumi said calmly, his eyes looking softly at the other.

Asato just sadly looks at the man in front of him, as he gives the said man a reassured smile.

_'But I can't be happy if I don't see him…'_

His eyes widen at the sound of his mind within his head. Asato can't believe he just thought something like that, yet he can't really deny it either. It's true that since he heard that Muraki was still alive, his heart had been beating so fast every time he heard the man's name.

_'Maybe I do like him. And maybe I really am in love with him.'_

He lets a small sad smile grace his face as he thinks about that. Maybe he really is a liar for denying his own feeling like that, but he won't ever admit it to the mad doctor. Because this bitter-sweet lie he kept will be something that he won't ever admit to anyone. But maybe the next time he meets with Muraki, he will let the doctor know that, even though he won't say it out loud, but maybe he could give the other a little hint about it.

"Asato?"

"It's nothing, Tatsumi. Tell me will you cook my favorite if I come to your place tonight?" he smiled as he dragged his friend.

XXX

**Author's Note: **First of all, I want to say my gratitude to MsBenzedrine for beta-ing this story. I'm really grateful to have you as my beta-reader. I really appreciate your help, I hope you don't mind to help me with my other stories later. Anyway, I had tried my best to make sure that the characters aren't OOC. But do forgive me if I happen to do it unconsciously. This one is a result from my wild imagination after I read Yami no Matsuei. Anyway please give me your review; it'll help me a lot to improve and to know what you think about this story. And no flame please because I'm still an amateur and I know I need a long way to improve.


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